Roses
by crazykitsune17
Summary: Shiori centric One shot. Told from Shiori Minamino's pointofview, this story relays the tragic tale of a mother's woes when the worst thing that could happen... happens... Please review!


**A/N:** I remember wanting to do a Shiori-focus fic for a long time… and so this was born. And the ending you may interpret yourself, so have fun! Please review!

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Disclaimer: I owneth le nothing.

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**Roses**

by crazykitsune17

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_A seed is planted, and its mother gives it love, food, light, and the strength to grow. In time the seed will mature into a sprout, feeding off the love and care of its mother. The days will pass, and soon it blossoms into a beautiful rose. But like all living things, a rose will wither into nothing and die. _

I am no different. There was a time for me to live, but my time has passed. I want to thank you for everything, Mother. you have given me true love and compassion, and I always did my best to return the favor.

I want you to stay strong when I am gone. Do not cry, do not mourn over me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you did. It's already hard enough on me without your sorrow.

I love you, Mother, and I am sorry.

Your son,  
Suichi

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I set the letter back on the table where I had found it and sank into one of our dining room chairs. I took a deep, shuddering breath as the true meaning of the letter finally sank in. Suichi, my perfect son, had killed himself. I put my hand to my mouth and choked back a sob.

_Why?_ was the only thought that ran through my head. _Why would you do this?_ Despite my son's wishes for me not to cry, I broke down, putting my head in my knees and pouring out my grief and anguish. All I could think was _why?_ Suichi had as good as told me that he had killed himself, but he left no reason as to why. My son was not the suicidal type!

What could be so wrong in his life that he would choose to do this? He had everything - plenty of friends, good grades, a decent home... What was wrong?

_Why, Suichi?_ I pleaded of him. _You had so much life ahead of you! Why did you do this? What was wrong?_

My heart seemed to crash right through the floor as I turned back to the table. My lips curved into a sad frown as I picked up the only thing Suichi had left for me - a single perfect rose. I sighed, gently twirling the flower in my hands, inhaling its sweet fragrance. I could smell a trace of Suichi in there too, his fresh, manly scent mingling with the sharp aroma of the rose.

Suichi had always loved roses. He had loved all plants, but roses were his favorite. I remember a time when he was only four years old, and he begged me to plant a garden with him. I had agreed, and together, the two of us had worked hard to keep a small garden. We planted marigolds and impatiens and one rose bush. He sprinkled the seeds in and covered them with soil, smiling as he enjoyed the feeling of his hands in the dirt. I told him that I would water the plants every day, but Suichi refused, protesting that he wanted to do it himself. The watering can was much too big for him to carry, so he watered the plants with little plastic cups. It took him a long time, but he kept at it, and soon his hard work paid off.

His eyes had grown so big when our rose first blossomed. Its single flower was huge and beautiful, glowing radianly in the summer sun. It was as if the rose was smiling at him, thanking him for his special love and care. I gave him a hug and a kiss, saying that this was _his_ rose. His perfect little rose...

_Perfect little rose..._ That's what Suichi was. A perfect little rose.

Though he wasn't so little anymore. He surpassed me in height by quite a few inches, his boyish body developing into the strong one of a gentle man. He had a lot of lady friends, unsurprisingly, and it was just so hard to believe that this boy, my boy, the image of perfection, would kill himself. Take everything he had away.

I glanced back at the rose in my hands and felt hot tears slide down my cheeks. This rose in front of me looked so much like Suichi's first rose. It was as if the moment of the past had been frozen and suspended in time, here to greet me in the present.

A tear hit the rose, its deep crimson petals cradling the little droplet in its womb, the same way that I had carried Suichi when he was a baby...

That was sixteen years ago. It's amazing how fast time just rushes by. You blink, and it seems like a whole year has passed. What time we have on this earth is not enough... It's not nearly enough to live a true, full life...

But Suichi had taken his own life, I thought, my throat burning to choke out more sobs. He had been taken long before his due time. It just wasn't fair! Why him? Why my son? Why Suichi?

Those sixteen years of his life played before my eyes like a movie in fast forward. Suichi was a baby, sleeping in my arms as I rocked him to sleep. Suichi was four, planting that garden and smiling happily. Suichi was eight, playing soccer with his friends, mud caking on his shoes and socks. Suichi was thirteen, blowing out candles on his birthday cake, celebrating his initiation into teenhood. And last, he was sixteen...

In fact, it was just yesterday that Suichi had looked at me with his sweet smile that was so contagious. He had come downstairs to help himself to breakfast, rummaging through the top cupboards that only he could reach for some cereal and a bowl. I had only greeted him casually, telling him that I was going off to work and to have a good day. I hadn't even said "I love you," I remembered with a painful sting in my heart.

Was that it? Did Suichi think I didn't love him enough? Was he crying inside because I didn't say "I love you"?

I buried my head in my hands, pulling my hair out of its neat bun and letting it flow down past my shoulders. I could see the grey in it more than ever now as I sobbed. This was all my fault, I thought. If only I had cared more for him, talked to him, gave him a hug every now and then... Suichi was a sensitive boy who needed that kind of attention... the attention I didn't give him.

It was because I had to work so much. I couldn't be home every night to take care of him. Even when he was sick, I still had to work and left him alone in the house. It had to be so hard on him, not having a father. It was hard on both of us...

"Oh, Suichi..." I moaned. "I'm so sorry..."

Grabbing a tissue, I dabbed at my eyes; I swear I saw blood mixed in with the mascara. I finished drying my tears and set the tissue aside, letting my weakened mind relax for a moment. What should I do now? I am certainly not going to work this morning. I sighed. I suppose I would have to find Suichi's body now...

I stood up from my chair, my arms and legs shaking uncontrollably. I felt sick, like I had ridden a wild roller coaster too many times, but I forced myself up the staris, my head spinning with the increased altitude. I pushed open the door to Suichi's room, my eyes squeezed shut.

I opened them. The room smelled pleasantly of roses, the bed made and the floor clean. The lights were off but I could see; the window was open. Suichi's desk was neat and uncluttered, only a small stack of textbooks making their residence atop its gleaming surface. Everything was clean and in place, perfect. No dead body.

I ventured further into the room, holding my breath as I did so. It was like that little superstition that kids had: don't breathe in the graveyard or you'll upset the spirits. The room of a dead person was like a graveyard almost - eerily quiet, and it carried the ominous feeling that someone was watching you... that you shouldn't be there... I shivered; the room felt suddenly cold.

I took one step further into the room, the thick tan carpet seeming to suck in my feet like quicksand. That was when I noticed it... A tiny scrap of paper lying on the desk.

Tentatively, I reached out for it. _What was it?_ I asked myself. _Was this anything Suichi would want me to find?_ I held it up closer to the light from the window to read.

_Sakura Park - forest_

That was all it said. There was a tiny, hand-drawn rose emblem in the bottom right corner, but that's all there was as far as words go. The note was in Suichi's handwriting - how could I not recognize his straight, precise writing style? - but what did he mean? Sakura Park? I knew where that was. Forest? There _was_ a forest - as close to a forest as you could get in the city, that is - a nice, small one with pine trees, a few maple trees, and, of course, a few sakura blossom trees. It was very beautiful to look at, but why did Suichi write it down?

My eyes widened and I gasped as I suddenly realized what the note meant. _Sakura Park_ must be where Suichi is! In the forest... of course...

I ran out of the room, clutching the little piece of paper in my hand like my life depended on it. I also grabbed the rose from the kitchen table. Finally, I slipped on my shoes and headed out the door.

I completely forgot about the car as I jogged briskly down the city sidewalk, trying to reach Sakura Park as fast as I could on foot. I mentally cursed the stoplights, their glaring red "don't walk" sign mocking me as I waited impatiently for it to turn back to "walk".

I saw a kid on a skateboard, whizzing fast down the opposite street. I envied him and his speed; I wish I know how to ride one of those things... I shook my head, knowing what a sight I'd be to passers-by: some forty-year-old lady in a skirt and high heels, flying down the sidewalk on a skateboard with no control whatsoever. I nearly laughed, but instead I mentally kicked myself for forgetting about the car. I was too close to Sakura park now, though, to run back and get it.

At last, I reached Sakura Park, out of breath and panting, but I had arrived. The scenic park looked absolutely gorgeous in the rising sun; the morning dew on the grass sparkled, a few people were out walking their dogs, and the fountain made soothing noises of running water. My breathing regained its normal cadence as I continued to listen to the sounds of the early morning. I felt peaceful... I hope this was how Suichi felt before...

_Suichi... you have to find him!_ There was no time to waste standing around enjoying the scenery! Suichi was in the forest... dead...

But he could still be alive! I thought as I forced my aching feet to pound through the damp grass. I had not thought it aloud to myself, but deep in the back of my mind, a voice had been screaming at me, "Maybe he's still alive! Maybe he's still alive!" It was a bold thought, a thought I could not cling to in case its message was false; if that were the case, I would be beyond devastation. But right now, that tiny thought was the only thing keeping me going, running to reach my goal...

I broke into the forest, eyes searching frantically for Suichi. _Red, red, look for red..._ my brain told me. _Suichi's hair should stand out amid all this greenery..._ Tears caught in my eyes as I remember the arguement we had one night over his hair... It was several years ago, but this memory flashed back so vividly, it could've been yesterday...

_"Suichi, dear, your hair's getting long. It's starting to look silly." _

"It doesn't look silly, Mom, everyone at school likes it."

"I still think you should get it cut. You looked good with short hair!"

"I'll look good with long hair too. You'll see."

I had let him grow his hair out. And he was right. He looked _amazing_ with long hair. He probably had longer hair than me... Wait, what am I saying? He _has_ longer hair than me! Not had! _Oh, Shiori, you have to hurry and find him!_

Finally, I had stumbled upon a clearing. Tall trees surrounded its perimeter, shading the grassy area from sunlight, so it was dark. Dark green shrubs and bushes lined the floor of the forest, and one small, out-of-place rose bush stood shyly near the northern edge of the clearing.

And in the middle was Suichi, my baby boy. His chest wasn't moving up and down, so he wasn't breathing, and his face was pale, almost bluish in color. I stumbled toward him and fell to my knees, my hands trembling and tears threatening to cascade down my face like a waterfall.

I brushed aside Suichi's bangs and saw that his eyes were closed. His lips were parted a tiny bit, a sliver of gleaming white teeth peeking through, so he only looked merely as if he were sleeping instead of dead and gone forever.

A dark ring around his neck caught my attention, and I pushed aside more hair to reveal a small pool of blood all around Suichi's throat. The markings on his neck bore little pricks where blood was trickling down; the flow had slowed to a crawl.

A rose lay beside him, half-clenched in Suichi's pallid hand. His fingers had uncurled around it, exposing the flower's stem fully. That rose was so beautiful... and so perfect... and it was his only friend. The only witness to his tragic death. The only one who had actually seen him die...

Horrible images flashed through my head as I thought about my son's death. I could see him, strangling himself and slicing his neck open... Blood gushing, staining the ground... Suichi's screams and cries in the darkness of the early morning... nobody around to hear him... Nobody around to care or stop him... Nobody to... Suichi died alone.

But he doesn't have to _be_ alone. I am his mother. A mother does not just abandon her son when he is all alone in a strange, new place. A mother would not deny her son her presence. A mother sticks with her son, to love him and care for him and hold his hand when he is scared. It is her duty, one that is inexcusable to neglect.

It is a mother's duty, and it is mine. I will stay with my son, Suichi. I will live with him, and I will die with him.

I untied Suichi's shoelace and died as he had. I carefully tied the string around my neck and pulled, no fear at all pumping through my completely relaxed body. Just calm serenity as I began to feel weak and float on, the sweet blackness of death consuming me.

Me and my son, Suichi.

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_Mother and her son  
Die together in roses  
Not to be alone

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_

--crazykitsune17--


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